The weekend at Jean's
This is what I remember of the weekend at Jean's house. It's moderately long, and I've tried to be pretty straight (i.e. more than usually dull) about it, to give as clear an account as I can for the people who couldn't be there.

Jean's house is lovely. Tucked in the little wooded hills of the Outaouis region, with a little stream running through the back to make friendly gurgling sounds, it's small enough to be comfortable but big enough to accommodate a half-dozen overnight guests without straining. We arrived on Friday evening, greeted those who had already arrived (those I'm pretty sure of: Jean, Luce, Clive (who had got a haircut since I last saw him 7 years ago, so I didn't recognize him until he spoke), Marla and Larry, and the Rices), and had a beer. Some time later dinner appeared in the form of a turkey with trimmings, roast vegetables, salad.

I have to give an awed mention of Jean's aura of relaxed competence and organization. Preparing for this, and looking after each step, must have been a huge job, yet not once did she seem stressed, rushed, or anything but delighted to visit with her guests (most of whom she had never met before). Preparing dinner is a case in point. Jean and Luce somehow made all these things while never stopping their cheerful conversation, as if the great piles of wonderful food magically appearing on the kitchen table had nothing to do with them.

Charles Dimmick, Emily Kelly, and Diane Kelly arrived later, around 10:00 PM, hours after they were expected. I'll let them tell the story of their trip through Montreal, with the detours and the construction and the stopping and the swearing and the monkeys in the hair.

We went to bed early that night. William wasn't feeling well; I'll draw a discreet veil over the disastrous events of the night, other than to say that after three loads of laundry the next day we were back in business with William in his own bed again.

The next morning was in general more of the same: More people drifted in, chatted, introduced themselves as necessary, ate and drank. Jean and Luce performed more casually prodigious feats of food preparation.

We dug the hole for Maddy and Emily's ashes. It's set on a little hillside, close to but not shaded by a mediumsized pine tree. (I believe Maddy's cat Humphrey is buried under that tree.) Charles and Dan made an inukshuk, set back ten feet or so from the burial spot. At around 2:30 we made our way to the marquee tent, and had a small ceremony. The urn and box with Maddy's and Emily's ashes, and Emily's leash, were set up in the center of the tent.

"Ceremony" may be the wrong word; it wasn't formal or regimented. Basically, it was an opportunity for people to talk about Maddy. Not everyone spoke (and I must say I was a little disappointed that I didn't hear more from some of the people who knew Maddy from non-online connections; there were several people who I never got a chance to talk to who must have known Maddy in different ways). Let's see if I can remember some of the things (I will undoubtedly mess up and conflate and forget some):

Phil talked about the way he had met Maddy, as a management consultant, with Jean's recommendation; he had had some clashing personalities in his office, and Maddy helped work that out.

Alice talked about meeting Maddy physically for the first time, and finding out that friendship can develop from online relationships.

Several people -- Stephan, Emily, some others -- talked about Maddy's many facets: How even though they had thought they had known her, it turned out that she had had so many other interests that they hadn't known about. I commented that although it was certainly true that Maddy hadn't shared all her history and interests with any of us, I thought we had still known the same Maddy despite that -- she hadn't held back or changed her personality. Emily, I think, observed that Maddy was comfortable enough with herself that she had no need to proselytize for her interests (except for coffee!), and she cared enough about everyone else that she wanted to learn what they cared about.

Will mentioned some gifts Maddy had got for him, and how appropriate and thoughtful they were.

There was a lot of silence, but it was contemplative rather than awkward. (I had to slip away toward the end, as William was getting too lively and noisy. Amy had already had to take Matthew away. We missed the final part; I think Jean jingled Emily's leash, the signal for their final walk together.)

We then buried the ashes and the leash. Luce said, "Goodbye, Lovey", which unhinged me.

When that was done there was a healing circle, led by Joyce. I was trying to get Matthew to sleep, so we didn't take part, but it looked like a wonderful exercise in relaxation, and I heard Will trying to entice Joyce to Washington to lead him in yoga.

The tree planting came next. The tree is a maple (I've forgotten the exact kind -- arum?; it turns a particularly brilliant red in fall), about 7 feet high; small leaves as yet, but about half were already red. Will, as our EPA rep, was put in charge of the tree planting. He seemed a little baffled by the honour, but let's face it, Will generally seems a little baffled by the smaller challenges of life too.

I'm losing track of the time-line a bit here. I think that at this point there was a bit of a break, and people wandered about and talked. The caterers started to provide some food after a while -- snacks: crackers and cheese, some fruit, that sort of thing.

Jean and Luce made a champagne toast to Maddy, and to absent friends.

Luce (or Jean? I think it was Luce) got out Maddy's degree. She said, "Maddy got this degree because her friends, all of us, pushed her and supported her throughout it. The degree belongs to all of us." Accordingly, she cut it up! With scissors, to the horror of some people in the audience; and distributed it among the group.

Then it was time for dinner. Roast lamb, or chicken; both delicious. Roast potatoes, salad, and I'll have to ask Amy for details on the sauces and other dishes. Some (wild?) mushrooms with the chicken; something onion-y with the lamb. Excellent, in any case. I particularly liked the chicken's sauce, actually, since I'm a mushroom fan. Lots of wine -- from Maddy's collection, I think. Dessert, which rapidly disappeared altogether -- fruit, macaroons (Ed and I had a disagreement over whether they were really macaroons, but I think they were), several types of tarts.

Around this time Dan Rice was dispatched to light the bonfire that he and Rachel had prepared earlier. He did a fine job, and chairs were soon placed about the fire circle. Many songs were sung, including (at William's request) that rousing campfire classic the ABC song. Also, "Found a Peanut", "Hole in the Bucket", and "Coming 'Round the Mountain": I was putting the kids to bed and missed most of the songs, but these were all new to Amy, and she badgered me for the words the next day so I know they got sung.

The next morning there was yet more food prep. I think a brunch was planned, but we had to leave for our 10-hour drive home before that was under way.

I'm sure I missed a lot, and I'm sure I'm telling it pretty blandly. It was a thoroughly pleasant, touching, and beautifully planned and executed goodbye to Emily and Maddy. Thanks, Jean.

I'm playing Schubert, Lieder, sung by Fischer-Dieskau. Maddy was a huge fan of lieder in general, and of Fischer-Dieskau in particular -- my mother was also mad about Dietrich. I've never been all that fond of lieder, but in Maddy's memory I'll give it another try. (I'm pretty sure this version is one I got from Maddy, many years ago.)